Shades of Grey
by Thre3
Summary: Post fic for 6x02 "Dreamworld." What was Beckett feeling and thinking in the last 12 hours before her fiance was to leave her forever?


**This is just a short fic following _Dreamworld_ which acts a narration to Beckett's emotions throughout the episode. Hope you enjoy.**

A companion piece to Kick Caskett's short fic entitled "Black & White."

**Disclaimer**: Don't own any rights to Castle.

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_Twelve hours ago_

Many people find songs or books or movies that never fail to make them smile. I found Castle. He never fails to make me smile simply by being present in my life. He was one happiness in life I knew I could always rely on. I wasn't going to let him and that toxin wasn't going to stop me from holding on. I tried so hard to stay strong for his sake. I tried to reassure myself as I continued to support him, but I couldn't.

_Eleven hours ago_

I knew that he wouldn't rest or listen to the advice he was receiving about his 'condition.' Can I even call it a 'condition'? Part of me knew that I needed to come to terms with what was happening but the other part just didn't want to believe that this was real. I refused to accept that this was happening to us. After all we do for the public; this is how we're repaid. It was unjust and I he knew it too. So no one was more determined to solve this case than Richard Castle. He is definitely an asset after all.

_Ten hours ago_

This has happened before. It comes with the territory when you work in Law Enforcement. But that's just it. He doesn't. He shouldn't be in this situation. He's a writer. He shouldn't have to face down death again. He shouldn't have to do it _alone. _I would give anything right now to trade places with him.

_Nine hours ago_

So much had happened, I felt like I couldn't even comprehend all of it. Nothing registered anymore. So much was on my mind; how was I still able to stand? I tried to focus my attention on how he must have felt. He's alone. He's in this alone. For the first time, I felt helpless. I knew I wasn't. I knew that I needed to find the man responsible for ruining our lives. I needed to be there for him. He needed me more than I needed him.

But I needed someone too.

Was it so wrong for me to feel that way?

_Eight hours ago_

I wanted to tell him that everything was OK. Better than OK, everything was great. He was going to be fine. I wanted to tell him how much I love him and how I wish none of this had ever happened.

But I couldn't.

_Seven hours ago_

Time was getting away from us and I felt like I was losing him. We had a suspect but…that didn't seem to be enough. We needed more than just a suspect.

We identified who he was and how he was related to the case. All we needed to was to find him and get what we needed from him.

Right now, we needed answers. Rick needed the antidote and I was going to get it.

_Six and a half hours ago_

Though he said "we have nothing" in that hopeless tone, I knew that he wouldn't give up that easily. Yes, we were running around in circles, but I could see a certain emotion in his face. It was hope and something else at the same time. It was almost as though he'd given up hope, though part of him didn't want to.

The Richard Castle I know, the Rick I fell in love with was still in there somewhere. He was there and he wasn't giving up.

_Four hours ago_

Everything was surreal. Four hours to go and somehow my body had gone numb to the fact that I had a limited amount of time to be with my fiancé.

I tried to shove it away and focus on finding a solid lead. I could sense the closeness we had to finding one.

_Three and a half hours ago_

I tried my hardest to be strong for him, again. What was I supposed to do when I had to rule out our only suspect? There were so many thoughts rushing through my mind. But again, I tried to repress them and focus.

_Three hours ago_

I had a hunch and I was going to follow through. I couldn't just sit around and wait for orders. No one was going to tell me if and when I had a chance to save my fiancé.

So I followed my instincts and took things into my own hands.

_Two hours ago_

I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I refused to say goodbye.

He had complete faith in me, though he never said so. Somehow, the silence gave me more strength and confidence than words ever this moment, I didn't care about my job. I cared more about him.

I felt helpless once again, as I was forced to rule out our only lead.

_One hour ago_

A solid lead came around, but we needed the antidote. I could see his behaviour changing.

I never wanted to admit it to myself and I never thought I would have to say it but he was dying.

He blinked uncontrollably and I swallowed the large lump in my throat.

_Half an hour ago_

We had another hunch and I followed my instincts again. I wasn't turning around for just any reason, but because I knew I was right. I knew _we_ were right.

He was sweating but pulling through in his analysis of the situation. Everything he was saying was making sense to me and clicking. I looked at him, he was dazed.

I thought to myself, "No. Castle, just stay with me." He responded and I realised, I wasn't thinking it, I was saying it.

_Ten minutes ago_

No.

He looked lifeless. I couldn't let this happen. I was not going to fail him. Time was racing past us and I wasn't acting fast enough.

_A minute ago_

I leapt out of the car and practically flew to his side as he collapsed.

No, I couldn't have failed him. It was not the end yet. I wasn't going to let it end this way.

I stood up and looked toward the house. It wasn't going to end this way.

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I've never been happier to see him. I knew I had to come through for him and supported him when he needed it. This was my fault and I wasn't going to let him go. That's what partners were there for.

_Sometimes, the hardest things in life are the things most worth doing. Just because we haven't figured it out yet, it doesn't mean we won't. _

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**A/N: **Let me know what you thought of it :)


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